If I were speaking to a therapist right now,
I’d say integration feels really good.

Between the ages of twelve and sixteen,
half of my time was spent in Knaresborough.
During the week I’d be at home, going to school,
trying to fit in.

Then on weekends and holidays,
I’d be at our caravan in Knaresborough.

It was there I felt safe.
I could be myself.

It is an idyllic town on the surface,
but when you look through my lens,
it’s magical.

I was able to keep my wonder
and my sparkle alive there.
When I was home,
it was so dark and lonely.

Without this quirky little town
in my formative years,
I may not have found myself
as fast in adulthood.

Knaresborough ensured that I would always know
what safety, acceptance, wonder,
and authenticity felt like.
It kept a part of me alive.

A part the home version of me
tried so hard to hide and make go away,
going as far as changing my name
to make her final.

But there was danger in doing that.

I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I didn’t understand myself.
The wonder and sparkle
were missing from me.

So I spent a lifetime
searching for myself.
The countless attempts
to reinvent myself were unsuccessful.

Eventually I learned that if I want to find that authenticity, that safety, that wonder, and that sparkle,

I have to search deep inside myself,
where I buried her all those decades ago.

And there she was…

little me.

Now when I return to Knaresborough,
I go with my inner child in full bloom.
We experience the magic and beauty
as if we are seeing it for the first time.

Even aged forty-one,
I don’t hold back
from sharing my sparkle
with those accompanying me.

Because now I know
loving myself for the unique and bright woman I have always been
is what brings the feeling of safety,
wonder, and acceptance back.

Now I can get that feeling anywhere.

Because it is me
that carries that sparkle.

I am the sparkle,
and I refuse to diffuse my childlike wonder to pacify others.

Knaresborough will always be more
than just an idyllic town.

Knaresborough
was the keeper
of my inner child.

— Frost ❄️