Boundaries are important. They protect us.

I didn’t always have healthy boundaries. My lines were often crossed. I am a deeply empathetic person, and this means other people feel very comfortable offloading onto me.

Firstly, I don’t mind listening. I want people to have somewhere to open up. But when I am the only one who will allow space to speak your issues with compassion and empathy in the friendship, it starts to weigh heavily on me. Not because I don’t care — I do deeply. It’s because I don’t have a similar vessel to pour into when I need to.

I open up and can be met with only a sad emoji. That becomes an imbalance in the friendship emotionally. It is not the other person’s fault. They don’t have the capacity to hold other people’s problems, and that is okay.

I realised the responsibility was mine to fix. I had to do something to protect my own mind. I have my own problems to work through and those of my children.

For the first time in my life I placed a boundary. I am not a paid therapist. I have pulled back emotionally. I allow space for talking, but I only respond deeply when I have the headspace to cope with it. I give the same energy I receive.

I had to do this to maintain a healthier state of mind. I was always ready to go deep because I am a deep person. They benefited from that. However, when I wanted to talk and make sense of things, I’d be left feeling uncared about. It was affecting me badly because I was yearning for connection and not getting it.

It didn’t feel good at first — I felt like a monster.

Now I feel a peace within me. Like I’ve stopped trying so hard and have the space to focus on myself now.

Boundaries will always be hard to make for deeply empathetic people. I can promise once you make them you will feel so much lighter.

It’s okay to have empathy for yourself.

— Frost ❄️