What is your definition of cheating within a romantic relationship?

I see a lot online about what others consider cheating in a romantic relationship. Some people even argue over who is right or wrong.

The real answer is that no one is wrong. The boundaries people have regarding this subject are deeply personal.

However, one does have to be careful that their line does not sit so far as to infringe on the other person’s personal autonomy.

Realistically, we cannot stop our partners from speaking to other people we may see as a threat. And should we really be demanding they do not look at pornography if it is not affecting our intimate life?

I have changed my opinions on what I consider cheating in my romantic relationships over the years. When I was barely surviving, a romantic relationship was all I believed I had. I had very unhealthy expectations and jealousy.

However, I later learned that a partner can actually be the one to make you feel that way. I do not blame myself fully for past beliefs.

What matters is how I view cheating in a romantic relationship today.

My personal opinion is that if the relationship is monogamous, then we stay within the definition of that — being married to, or having a sexual relationship with, only one person at a time.

Anything beyond that would take away my partner’s personal autonomy. I cannot force him to choose me forever. I just have to trust that he will.

I do not discourage him from talking to the opposite sex in a platonic way. If messages became flirty, or he was seeing her name more than half of his spare time, then a conversation would be needed. That would begin to steer into the realms of emotional cheating, and I would need to know why.

Pornography and self-pleasure are none of my business unless he is choosing them over us. Again, a conversation would need to be had.

Cheating — actual physical touch with another person — is my hard boundary. At that point, it could be difficult to reconcile. Emotional cheating can be repaired if both people are willing to work on it and then leave it in the past.

Every human has dry patches and can emotionally close off without even realising it. I am not saying this is a free pass to look elsewhere. It absolutely is not. Couples should talk, not dismiss what they had and search for it in other people.

But I personally would not throw what was once a good relationship away for someone trying to find emotional connection elsewhere. Only if the messages turned sexual. At that point, the monogamy line has absolutely been crossed.

I suppose, as I conclude this writing, it is a situation with many factors that could be involved. I do not believe it is black and white.

Cheating is wrong, and it hurts people.

Being the cheater makes me question why. What was missing? What were you feeling? Can you love someone and it still not be enough? What are you searching for?

Cheating is heartbreaking if you believed you were in a safe, healthy relationship.

— Frost ❄️